Tortured, haunted, possessed by a thought, a memory, that has broken into lost fragments and torn my soul apart, piece by piece. I walk the halls of establishments and see all the gears turning as if there was nothing wrong with the machine, but I have had to try to repair every malfunction that is caused and in the process, I turn to rust. Wires are dangling from the ceiling now, if I’m not shocked, I’ll hang the same way those of the past did. When I enter sanctum, I’m supposed to feel safe, but now I see remnants I can no longer touch, I’m cursed, I’m cursed, I’m in danger of decay and darkness, and the mentor is lost, I’m on my own, with little to nothing to hold. The system, blind or corrupt, never anything else, does nothing but away whatever I have left and expects to see more. My rust cracks and I fall, and all I could have done, taken from me, I am left unfinished, the worst torture of all, what could have been my proud legacy, erased, gone, with everything else I fall.
I was supposed to rise tall, told to be something great, something strong, but it seems the prophecy was wrong. I’m not albert Einstein, nor King Arthur, I’m not built, I was carved. I see the world around me and I can’t stop thinking that I was molded the right way in the wrong time, or maybe its the other way around, I don’t know. I wasn’t wired to be a part of a study of math or science, I wasn’t wired to have my head in the books, my head has been under anesthesia since I was three. I haven’t escaped that hospital bed, I never will.
I look at my past, I look at the boy that cried and laughed, a boy who felt so small, I look at the memories ~ and I realize, it was never real, it never was mine, I haven’t escaped that hospital bed, I never will.
The connections, relationships, and everything in between scrapped apart, for nothing, for no one. I remember the first time they put that needle in, I’ve never been the same since, and all I have now are the clouds I’m in, and the purpose I’m after. And everything I’ve lost, in the spectrum of the world, is nothing, Im cursed to walk these halls, to look at the empty stage, and look at the blank space in my camera and realize, I haven’t escaped that hospital bed, and I never will.
Im cursed, of what I could have had, and what more I could have lost…