You think you understand someone and know everything that most others wouldn’t come close to knowing. You think you’re special and you think you’re significant to that person. You try everything to reinforce that feeling to be nothing less than a fact. You treat them like they deserve the world, and every star and everything above, below, and around it. You tell yourself that they make you happy, that the way that you constantly try to take them out, get them gifts, pay for their food and give them compliments, is actually you just giving back for how good they make your life. You allow yourself to let it go when they constantly cancel plans on you because any attempt of contact to you fills you euphorically. You become obsessive with trying to see them because you want to do anything you can to show them that you’re good enough…

And you never will be. You never will know them, at least the way you want to know them, because at the end of it all you have to realize that you are just another name on a list of people that they are just gonna use and move on from. You think you were special because you told them that you loved all the imperfections that they had, that you loved everything, when in reality you loved what you weren’t blind to. Because no matter how much you think you’re the only one, they have heard it all before, every nice thing you’ve said, they have seen everything you’ve tried to do, because they manipulate you, they get off on it, and it becomes so natural to them they don’t even realize it past a certain point. They will talk behind you, say things that weren’t true, twist conversations and events into whatever is in their favor, and you’re left with whatever new reality they have created in the midst of your own silence, fear, and love. You don’t want to hurt them, so you let yourself be hurt. You thought things would be sacred between you two, but behind your back no secret is left unheard.

If you live each day in the pursuit of somebody else’s happiness, no matter how honorable the deed, you will lose more and more of yourself as each moment passes by. You give up more of yourself for what doesn’t even matter in the eyes of anyone else. It’s an even harsher reality to accept that you yourself have neglected the affection and love of someone else because you were too blind chasing something that wasn’t even going to make you happy anyways. Open your eyes, respect who you are, because no one will make you happy the way you can be by being the person you were meant to be. 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *